


A Fake AH Christmas

by knightmareframe



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Christmas, Fake AH Crew, Holiday, Like, Swearing, a lot of it, but what would you expect it's AH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 05:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5527898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightmareframe/pseuds/knightmareframe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fake AH boys gather round the tree to unwrap some weird ass presents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fake AH Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for brownmangroup on tumblr. There will be more, but I didn't want them to be empty handed on Christmas. I'll probably be updating this every Christmas or so. The violence isn't extreme or anything, just a mentioned of something semi-gory. Be sure to comment with any constructive criticism, or any thing at all really.

“Why the hell are we still sitting in this fucking warehouse?” Michael asked, sitting on a wooden crate marked “dn ǝpᴉs sᴉɥ┴” with an arrow pointed toward the ground. The crate sat in a large room that used to house an assembly line for making ice cream sandwiches. Ever since Geoff bought it though, it’s just been used for storing all the Fake AH Crew’s junk they have no other room for.  
“Waiting till Geoff and Gavin get here.” Jack responded, his voice coated with agitation from the wait.  
“Whatever.” Ray said, throwing a tennis ball against the wall. “What time did they say they’d be here?”  
“Six” Ryan said, bluntly. Jack quickly interjected with,  
“And six was two hours ago.” Ray tossed the ball to Ryan as the masked man said,  
“Two and a half, actually.” Ryan tossed the ball back to Ray. Ray tossed it back to Ryan. Ryan tossed it to Ray. This went on for about five more rounds of tossing until Ray gestured at Michael for him to join in. The three continued to play catch until they heard a car approaching.

“Hey, I think they're here.” Ray said, turning his attention to the large door on the side of the room, catching the ball without looking.  
“No shit, we’re miles from any other assholes with that loud a car.” Michael said, sounding just about as mad as ever.  
“Hey, no need for the vin.” Ray said, throwing the ball behind him, not looking at who he threw it at. Just as it hit the ground, a loud crash drew Ray’s attention away from the door. As he turned around, he saw a large black car with the crew symbol on the side flying through the air, broken glass sprawled across the cold concrete floor. The car flew over Michael and Ryan, landing in a big open space that Gavin had thoughtfully cleared beforehand.

The passenger side door opened, and Gavin stepped out saying,  
“How’s it going guys?” There were all silent for a few seconds, until Michael said,  
“That was fucking awesome, dude!”  
“I know, boi!” Gavin responded as the he shut the door. Geoff threw the car door open and stepped out, saying  
“Alright boys, I didn’t call you here to just sit around, we got work to do.” as he walked to the semi circle the crew had created around the car. Ray asked,  
“Yeah, I meant to ask, what exactly is that?” Geoff answered Ray’s query by saying,  
“Well, it’s not exactly work, but a task to accomplish maybe? Something like that.” Michael leaned against a large box and asked,  
“The fuck does that mean?” Ryan pulled Michael away from the box he was leaning on as Gav shot the latch on the top. The door fell open to reveal a Christmas tree with a bunch of presents sitting under it. The tree itself was decorated with several Fake AH ornaments of varying shapes and sizes.

“Oh, yeah. I figured we do this on, like, fucking christmas.” Michael said, the anger in his voice stemming solely from how he’d failed to realize what was happening till that very moment.  
“Yeah, but this way, no one expects it.” Geoff said, walking into the crate.  
“Who would give a shit though?” Ray asked, following Mr. Mustache into the crate.  
“I don’t know, the FIB, the IAA, rival gangs, any fucker with a gun pretty much. We’re gonna be pretty vulnerable, so I’ve taken some security measures.” As Geoff said the word ‘measures’, he hit a switch that put the warehouse on lock-down. Metal walls closed off all natural light, so that the only way they would ever be able to see would be to crowd around the tree. They all gathered round the tree, and began to realize that the crate seemed a lot larger from the outside. They crammed in, like sardines in a slightly larger than normal can of sardines.

Geoff sat closest to the tree, ready to hand the present to his boys. To his right, Jack, then Ray, Ryan, Michael, and Gav to his left. “Let’s do this shit then.” Geoff said, handing a present to Gav. It was a small box, not even the size of his palm, and on it, it read “To: Gav, From: Michael” He quickly tore off the top to reveal a small keychain that had a crooked sticker of the Union Jack on it.  
“Aww, it’s so cool!” Gavin said, holding it up for the group to see.  
“Nothing but the best for my boi!” Michael said, glad he didn’t realize it was obviously bought last minute. Gav and Michael high fived as Geoff said,  
“Alright guys, keep it in your pants.” He then gave a present to Michael, a small, poorly wrapped package that clearly had three huge lumps on it. This present had a partially ripped sticker that said “To: Michael, From: Ray”. Michael quickly tore through the red wrapping paper. As soon as he saw the gift, his face was a bright red, almost rose colour. He shot a glare at Ray, who was laughing his ass off, as Jack asked,  
“So what is it?”  
Michael just continued to stare down Ray as he said  
“It’s fucking stress balls, and goddamn weed.” He was holding his anger down in the depths of his soul, attempting to hold back the inevitable eruption.(and failing.)  
“Don’t forget the note” Ray said, fighting to keep back the laughter. Gav read the note over Michael’s shoulder.  
“It says,

Chill the fuck out, dude.  
Love ~  
Ray <3

I think it’s rather sweet!”  
“No one cares what you think.” Geoff said, tossing Ryan a present. 

It was a small box, just bigger than Ryan’s hand, with pink wrapping paper, and it read. “From: Geoff, To: Ryan”. He took it out of the box, and held the sleek, black hand gun toward the ceiling. He checked to see if it was loaded before aiming down the sights, and then quickly shoved it down his boot.  
“You are ridiculously hard to shop for, Ryan.” Geoff stated, handing Ray a present. It was a medium sized flat box with a snowman on it. The names on it read “To: Ray, From: Jack <3”. Ray lifted the lid to see a folded sweater. On that sweater, there was an image of a suit with a rose in the pocket.  
“Oh my god, I love it!” Ray said, lifting and turning the sweater so the others could see it before he slipped it on over the shirt he was wearing. He then drew his arms into the sweater, rustled them around for a second, then shoved the tee shirt out the neck hole of the sweater.  
“This is some tight shit, Jack!” Ray said. Geoff continued to hand out presents, giving Jack a box about the size of a hand. It had plain, beige wrapping paper with a row of small pine trees every inch or so. The present was signed, “#1, Jack.”.

“Ryan made me hand his out in a very specific order. Said it was important.” Geoff said, reacting to Jack’s face when he couldn’t find the name of who sent it.  
“Oh.” He tore of the beige paper to find a polaroid of a severed leg. “Ugh, Ryan that’s gross.” Jack as he held the picture up for the rest of the crew to see. They all just kinda made disgusted faces for a few seconds, and then Geoff tore open his present while everyone else was distracted. Inside was a small bottle that had “Greg and Dave’s Premium Mustache Wax.” Geoff Started to twirl his mustache as he said  
“Thanks, Gav! I was just about to run out of this stuff. I can get like, six months out of this stuff, at least!”


End file.
